So here we are again, at the end of another year and what a year it has been. Looking back to this time last year, so much has changed. As I read my post from last year, it becomes evident how much I have grown as a person. This time last year I was depressed, lonely, fearful for the future and in a constant state of anxiety. 2017 was one of the crappiest years of my life so far, but I knew 2018 would be good to me.

The year began with getting back into the dating scene. I downloaded Tinder, Bumble, Match.com, and OkCupid. I mainly got the apps to help me gain some confidence back and to talk to new people, not intending to actually meet up with someone. I went from app to app speaking to a handful of people, and much to my surprise I actually enjoyed it. After about a week I had nearly 2000 men matching with me on OkCupid; I knew that a good 95% of these men probably just wanted to have sex and then be done with me so I was not very hopeful with this large amount. However, after a week or two I finally plucked up the courage to meet up with someone and go on a date. We dated for about a month but it just didn't work out. We were both at different stages in life and it would not have worked out well in the long run. However it reminded me how much I actually enjoyed dating and getting to know someone.
After that little knock back, in an act of strong womanly independence I deleted all of the dating apps and decided to focus on myself. Safe to say this did not last long... about a week to be exact. I was laying in bed one morning whilst still on my Christmas break from University and I decided to re-download OkCupid. That evening I was round my friend Katie's house and we were swiping through the men. I came across someone called Bradley, who was 22 and lived about an hour or so away from me. He instantly jumped out to me as someone I wanted to get to know. I vaguely remember saying to Katie how much I loved his smile and the fact he smiles with his eyes... you know, when they have that little twinkle.

The next day I was tidying my room, which I something I tended to do at the end of every week in order to start fresh the next week, and an OkCupid message popped up on my phone. I dropped everything and opened up the message... it was from the nice smile and eyes guy, Bradley! We began chatting and just had a general conversation about our interests and what we are doing with our lives, to which my mum came upstairs to my room and asked me why I looked so happy. I told her about Bradley and showed her his profile. She gushed about how lovely he looked and said I should go out on a date with him.
After what happened with the previous guy, I was very apprehensive about going on a date straight away... well, fast forward to the next week where I was being treated like a princess at The Bloomsbury Hotel in London by Brad. I have honestly never felt so comfortable on a date, he made me feel like the luckiest woman on the planet. He reminded me of how I should be treated, it was the best first date I have ever had (and I have had a fair few now).

Anyway, the next couple of months were filled with some unforgettable dates which helped keep me sane whilst I got through the last few months of my degree. In March I handed in my dissertation and was on the last stretch of assignments and revision for my exams. In April, I officially finished my lectures and tutorials and it was now up to me to revise for a solid month before my exams. Every day I worked my butt off revising and I actually surprised myself with how much I knew. However, the panic of job hunting fully set in. I didn't want to be sitting at home all alone, job searching for hours on end after graduating.
One day I posted on LinkedIn asking if anyone was looking for someone to work in their digital marketing. Almost immediately after posting, I got a reply from someone redirecting me to a digital executive job at an independent media agency called The Specialist Works. After researching the company I decided that this was the place for me. I applied for the job and a day later I got a call asking for me to go in for an interview the next day. My first interview went really well and I was asked to go back the next day for round 2. I had to prepare a presentation and pitch my idea, this is definitely where I was grateful for all of the endless presentations I had to do at University. Later that day, I got the call to say that I got the job! MY FIRST EVER JOB! I honestly could not believe it. I went home and cried with happiness for hours. To add to this happiness, my sister and her boyfriend also got engaged. It finally felt like life was falling into place. However, reality hit me and I had to carry on revising for my exams. I did give myself a break from time to time, in the form of dates with Brad. We were now a couple of months into dating and it was pretty clear where it was heading.
On the 22nd of April we went on a little date in my local village to the Caves and for a picnic in the park. We spent hours laying on the grass chatting about god knows what, eating all the nibbles, having a few tins (classy) and getting attacked by dogs from all directions. It got to the end of the date and I was cuddling into him, everything felt ok again. I had spent the last 6 months feeling like I was the loneliest human and now finally it felt like I had someone. He told me to sit up and face him, he took my hands, told me to look into his eyes and popped the question... and of course I said yes. Well, actually I think I said something like "Ugh if I have to I suppose"... and that was the start of our relationship.

Moving into May, this was the month where my life was going to start changing. At the beginning of May I did my last few exams for my University degree, as well as my exam for my professional IDM Qualification, which I had been awarded a bursary for because of being in the top 10 students on my degree. Once all of this was over, I WAS FINALLY FREE! Three tough years of university had finally come to an end and it was such a bitter sweet moment. I celebrated both this and my 21st on the 19th of May by being surprised with tickets to one of my favourite musicals Wicked and a meal from Brad. We also went out for a family meal and cocktails in the evening after watching the Royal Wedding. It was the perfect day, the sun was shining, I felt the happiest I had felt in what felt like a year and I was surrounded by people who loved me.
Then on the 29th May, I started my job at TSW. I have never felt so nervous and excited in my life. It was mad to me that I hadn't even graduated yet and I had already started my full time job. It was tough and mentally straining because I didn't give myself a break from University but I am so glad I got a job straight away and started building my career. I have met so many lovely people at TSW, some of which I call my best friends (cough cough Lily). It has helped me grow as a person, I have learnt so much already and become an adult.
We are now in June and I'm sunning it up in Spain with my mum and dad. It's the world cup and spirits were high, everyone was happy! I was made even happier as I got an email from University saying that I had achieved a First Class Honours in BA Advertising and Marketing Communications at the University of Greenwich. I did it, I actually did it. Three very tough years of non stop tears after wanting to drop out within my first week. I actually did it even whilst battling with my depression and anxiety, alongside a tough year with my breakup and losing family and friends.

Fast forward to the 16th of July... Graduation day. The day I had been dreaming about since the start of my degree, I was determined to get to this day in my life. It was a boiling hot day, not ideal weather to be wearing a heat absorbing black gown and hat, but I did not let this stop me from having the best day. I was waiting in the chapel ready for the ceremony to begin, when my friend Kerry told me to look at the names of the award winning students in the program. I had only gone an won the Derek Holder Dissertation Prize for the best dissertation in the area of data driven and digital marketing. I had no idea that this was even a thing, let alone the fact that I had bloody won it! It was such a nice feeling to be awarded for something that I worked on for over a year and genuinely enjoyed writing. I am the crazy person who would quite happily do my dissertation all over again. My graduation day was the perfect end to my three years at Greenwich and I am so glad that I did end up sticking it out.
The next few months are pretty much taken up by work, work and more work. I was developing my role and finally beginning to feel part of the company. However after a busy few months, I needed a break. So, I decided to book a little weekend away for myself and Brad which you can read about here. Bath is hands down one of the prettiest places I had visited in the UK and I would quite happily rush back there tomorrow.

September, October, November and December all blurred into one. Work was especially busy at this time so I didn't really do much more with my life. My relationship with Brad was getting stronger by the second and life was all go, go, go. Christmas this year was perfect, the day was spent with family and I have well and truly recharged my brain (which was massively needed).

Although many momentous occasions happened for me this year, a lot of other events happened. I went to a handful of concerts such as; Dodie, Harry Styles, Enrique Iglesias, Carrie Hope Fletcher, West End Does events, Heathers the Musical, Wicked, wined and dined as Brad's plus one at Lord's, went to Revolution events and got dangerously drunk once again, I got invited to the Mind Awards and also the Vuelio Blog Awards and I was also awarded Best Photography in the MH Blog Awards hosted by one of my best friends Mike. I have also continued with my mental health campaigning work with Samaritans, Mind and Student Minds, as well as been on Sky News, on BBC Newsbeat and in other online articles.
As we bring 2018 and this blog post to a close, I can hand on heart say that I have everything I could ever want in life. I am the happiest I have ever felt, my relationship is only getting stronger by the day (to the point where my parents have said on a number of occasions that they can see us getting married - they would have never said this about any of my ex's), I am surrounded by people who love me and I have made friends for life. I am in such a different place to where I was this time last year and the start of this year and I am so grateful for that. I have become an adult and succeeded and excelled in every aspect of my life. I can't wait to see what 2019 will bring...

Goodbye 2018, thank you for being one of the best years yet. 2019, you better be bloody good to me. 

Over the weekend, Brad and I jumped on a train at London Paddington to go on a little romantic getaway to Bath (not a dirty weekend away as my nan described it). I have been lusting over this breathtakingly gorgeous city for years now, so I am so glad I finally got the chance to go and share the experience with someone who means a lot to me. 

When I think about life and what it can throw at you, it amazes me how much it can change. Change me as a person. Change my outlook. Change the way I live my life. Up and down, round and round, side to side, the rollercoaster of life truly hits me, day in day out. This year has definitely been a rollercoaster of events. From starting the year in a relationship which I thought would end up being long term, to then the middle of the year when everything seemed to just fall apart. Going from being in a relationship to being single very quickly, to my mental health then plummeting to the ground. I can safely say that the end of this year has been everything I could ever want. 
I started speaking to Rich back in August/September. We spoke everyday. I can't even remember some of our conversations but they would go on for hours and hours. Then in October I decided to take the plunge and meet him in real life (we met on Twitter... pfft who needs Tinder)! When I was walking out of my door towards his car I can remember feeling slightly nervous (purely because all I had ever been taught was to not meet anyone from the internet) but as soon as he said hello to me, I felt instantly comfortable and knew that I could just be me around him. Talking about sex, food, films, poops, anything that came to mind. It's no different to how we talk now! After going on a couple of dates he decided to pop the question... we've now been together for just over 2 months and spend every day and night together! We've even lived together for a week by ourselves and we managed to keep the house in one piece and two cats alive! 
I can honestly say that I have never felt this happy and content with life! Yes, I still have the anxieties of life and depression but Rich makes my days a whole lot brighter! Not forgetting my amazing supportive family and my bestest friends Nicole and Katie. I now have a part time 'job' writing online content for a company, I'm getting nearer to the end of my second year of uni and I may have a potential placement in place! Everything is falling into place.... 
The rollercoaster is slowing down and it's a lot more bearable! 

This year has been a year of love, lust, work, sadness, depression and now endless amounts of happiness. I can honestly say 2016 has changed me as a person but I am happy with the person I have become! 

Over these past few months since everything went tits up shall we say, I have had one question going around and around in my head... WHAT NOW?! My relationship made me so happy and I finally felt like life had sorted itself out; but clearly I'm not allowed to be happy for longer than a few months. Obviously, it wasn't just my relationship that made me happy, but it did play a massive factor in it all and it helped me get through the last stretch of uni. 

As you know, I've recently been diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression and I have been battling with that. I am not going into detail but that is why I have been MIA on here... if you want to know more about that then read my previous post.

I go back to uni in less than month and I'm kind of looking forward to getting back into that, so I'm always busy. That's my problem... since I've finished uni I've had SO much free time! I've been off since May so finding something to keep me busy has been a struggle. I have had no motivation, inspiration or a want to blog. I really really hated it for a while... I would pour my heart and soul into a post and get absolutely nothing back (compared to other people). I've started to focus on my health and fitness by watching what I eat and exercising more. I want to get back to a state of mind where I feel at least 90% happy all the time. 

I have no idea where this post is getting at...

So... WHAT NOW! 

My relationship ended and I've been single for 4/5 months now; I feel stupid for not being fully over it yet but I guess everyone takes different lengths of time to get over things... how do I get back out there? 

I'm going back to uni... I'm starting another year... will I find it as bad as first year or will I be ok?

My mental health is stable but I'm not actually doing anything to help change it... will I ever be 'me' again?!

And as for my blog... where is it going from here?! I'm so bored of it now... what do I do?

I feel like I've just lost all purpose sometimes... I feel like I'm stuck, like I can't do anything. Like I have lost all ability to function and someone has just plonked me down somewhere and I keep thinking; what now?!

My blog is up for an award and I'm working with some massive companies, so it seems a but stupid to just give up now and never come back. I will be posting as an when I feel like I want to, but I'm not going to be uploading weekly like I used to and that is ok! I don't want every post I do to be a 'Life Update' or some half arsed post with absolutely no purpose to it... I have a post planned for after this one and I'm going to try my best to make it an interesting read. 

So, here I am again with another life update post and unfortunately this one isn't going to be as happy as my previous post. Honestly, at the moment my emotions are everywhere, I'm not really sure how to feel anymore... the only way I can describe my feelings is 'empty'. 

One major change in my life since writing my last post, is the fact I am now single; maybe I just don't have much luck with relationships haha! Although he broke up with me, there are no hard feelings at all. He had his reasons and I respect them, unfortunately I couldn't do anything to change the way he feels... it just wasn't meant to be. We have both agreed we want to remain friends (eventually) as we do have mutual friends and as I said before, it's no ones fault, no one has done anything wrong... so I guess I've just gained a really good friend from this! 
However, this doesn't mean that I'm all happy and dandy about this 'situation', if anything I'm just hurt. Break ups are never easy and they certainly are NOT fun! Before I met him, I was finally happy in myself and life... then he came along and I have never felt happier... everything just fell into place; it's just a shame he didn't feel the same way; but that is life! What I'm finding the hardest is getting back to that 'happy place'. I feel like I am back to square one. I need to regain my confidence, feel happy in myself again and stop being so hard on myself and just accept that 'that's life'! 

So Valentine's Day is coming up and even though I am single, it is also a day I like to celebrate with anyone that I love! It's not just a day to celebrate the love for your partner... so single people, this day is for you too haha! 

I was recently introduced to flower delivery by BloomNation and was inspired to collaborate on their #AlwaysBeBlooming campaign. Their project asks bloggers to write about how they celebrate their love for people in their lives. Some people like to buy flowers or gifts for the one they love and BloomNation is the perfect place for that!

So want to know a bit more about BloomNation?! BloomNation is a florist which is delivered to your door! They create handcrafted bouquets, with unique one-of-a-kind designs to suit any occasion! Its the easiest way to deliver flowers to your door... or the door of your loved one ;) 
So as I said before, I am single (Cry with me ahahah) but I love to treat my family to show them how much I love them! If I'm honest, I'm not the biggest fan of receiving flowers... which is ironic I know, because of my blog name; but I just think that flowers can be the easy way out for someone! Yes, I am fussy, maybe that's why I'm single haha! However, I'm talking about the cheap, half dead flowers that you can buy in the garage for a pound or so... which is of course fine if that's the thing you like however, I think I'd be more impressed and thankful if someone bought me flowers from somewhere like Bloomnation. The fact that they have put the effort in to put together a unique bouquet, impresses me more, and it makes the gift a bit more special!