Petals Of Perfection

So, here I am again with another life update post and unfortunately this one isn't going to be as happy as my previous post. Honestly, at the moment my emotions are everywhere, I'm not really sure how to feel anymore... the only way I can describe my feelings is 'empty'. 

One major change in my life since writing my last post, is the fact I am now single; maybe I just don't have much luck with relationships haha! Although he broke up with me, there are no hard feelings at all. He had his reasons and I respect them, unfortunately I couldn't do anything to change the way he feels... it just wasn't meant to be. We have both agreed we want to remain friends (eventually) as we do have mutual friends and as I said before, it's no ones fault, no one has done anything wrong... so I guess I've just gained a really good friend from this! 
However, this doesn't mean that I'm all happy and dandy about this 'situation', if anything I'm just hurt. Break ups are never easy and they certainly are NOT fun! Before I met him, I was finally happy in myself and life... then he came along and I have never felt happier... everything just fell into place; it's just a shame he didn't feel the same way; but that is life! What I'm finding the hardest is getting back to that 'happy place'. I feel like I am back to square one. I need to regain my confidence, feel happy in myself again and stop being so hard on myself and just accept that 'that's life'! 


As my friend Kate said: "It's like a game of snakes and ladders. You go up a ladder when you're at your happiest, continue moving until you hit a snake (the break up), now you're back to square one (or square 3 as she put it haha)!"And that is very true... I guess I just have to keep on plodding on until I find my next ladder. 

One good thing that's come from this break up is the fact that I have realised how many friends I have and the support I've got, which I am SO SO SO grateful for! Even though this was only a short relationship, it felt like we had known each other for years and it was such a happy relationship (well for me it was) so this break up hit me hard! 

My bestest 'real life' friends, Nicole and Kate have been incredibly supportive, they've been there for me and put up with my crying and all my drama llamas. I am so lucky to have them! Not to mention an 'old' friend made an appearance in my life again... he has been great. I felt like he (and other people) had forgotten about me when they moved to uni, which explains why I have felt so alone this past year, but it turns out he was there all along :) There's something about a "Give me a call if you need to talk" message that just fills me with so much happiness and reassurance; it's really the little things that make me happy haha! 

And I can't forget about all of you guys... what the hell would I do without you! If someone was to tell me a few years ago that I'd have so many amazing 'internet friends', I'd think they're crazy, but I seriously count some of you as my best friends. I won't single any of you out because that would take me ages and it just isn't fair.... you all know who you are ;) 

Ok, so onto the next chapter in my life... 

My last day of uni (official lectures and tutorials) is TOMORROW (as I'm writing this... so Tuesday was my last day). I now have just a month to revise for my exam and then that is the first year done. I still quite can't get my head around the fact I've survived the first year of uni. It may seem like nothing, but if you knew what I was like when I started, you'd be proud of me too haha! 

Then I have my 19th birthday on the 19th of May... A LOT of alcohol will be consumed that weekend! Then my favourite person (Nicole) will be coming to visit from Norfolk. CANNOT WAIT TO GIVE HER A BIG OL' SQUISH!

Then I've got work experience planned and then ... I AM FREE FOR SUMMER! 

I have so much to look forward to; I am going to Ibiza with Nicole and Kate, going to see Rob Houchen's EP Launch with Hannah, going to see Busted, I'm donating blood (which is something I have ALWAYS wanted to do) and I am hopefully going to Les Mis V Phantom again!

So now, I need to get my arse back into gear... I'm going to let myself have some time to get through this break up... I'm going to power through this last bit of uni and then I'm going to start YouTube... yes, that's right... I AM FINALLY STARTING YOUTUBE! If you want to subscribe to see when I upload my first video then you can do so over here... >>> .

Again, thank you to everyone who has supported me through this crap time... I wouldn't be able to do it without you! Endless tears these past few days will hopefully make room for a lot more happiness. In the words of Eponine and Marius (of course I need a Les Mis reference in here) "Rain will make the flowers grow"... and I could quite frankly grow a field of flowers with my bloody tears haha!